A Sad Document Title

I seldom feel emotion when I open a new text document, but this morning the action prompted tears.  I saved the blank document with this title:  "Tribute to Dad."  Right away I pasted into it something my brother wrote down after my dad spoke recently in church during testimony time.

When Mom died, my tribute-writing partner was my brother Myron.  He is in Africa now with his family and will not return until the evening before the funeral.  Then, we of course had input from our siblings, and they are beginning to contribute now as well.

Dad (David L. Miller) died instantly in a car accident yesterday forenoon.  He was 89.

First, the gory details.  Skip the last part if your imagination puts in overtime hours.  Unaccountably, according to witnesses, he had failed to stop at a stop sign and drove out in front of a big pickup passing by on US 50, where the speed limit is 65 MPH.  It happened in Pleasantview at the Stutzman Greenhouse corner.  The intersection was very familiar; it was within a half mile of where he was born, and he was always careful to obey traffic laws.  Distraction or simple absent-mindedness may have been factors.  Several observations by the on-site investigator suggested that a medical event that deprived his facial skin of oxygen may have also occurred.  His skin was cyanotic (purple) and there was minimal bleeding from cuts.  The investigator for the coroner's report noted that the severity of his internal injuries made it difficult to determine whether such a medical event had occurred.  It's possible that no one may ever know.

Countering the "medical event" narrative is the fact that a doctor within the past few months pronounced him to be in amazingly good health.

Dad had just stopped in at Golden Rule Travel where Linda and Myron both work and where Marvin and Lois are the business owners.  He wanted to send a fax but realized that he had left the necessary phone number at home, so he was heading home to retrieve it when the accident happened--less than a half mile from Golden Rule.

The other driver is a local young man who was quite traumatized by the accident.  He refused medical assistance at the site and did not appear to be injured.  His grandmother, Judy Fritzmeyer, who is a nurse, took him in her own vehicle to be seen by a medical professional.  Obviously, he bears no blame whatsoever in the accident, and I know that if he could, Dad would be ever-so-quick to offer his apologies and comfort to that distressed young man.  Judy was an across-the-street neighbor to Joel and Hilda while they lived here and Myron and his boys have often played basketball informally with the young man.

It's hard to have Dad taken so suddenly and violently.  We had a long time to prepare for Mom's home-going, and had the beautiful experience of singing for hours around her bedside and saying goodbye individually.  No such luxury here.

Many blessings are present now, however.  Four years ago Dad had colon cancer.  At that time the doctor told him that it often returns in five years or so.  The cancer had not returned so far.  He had recovered well from an accident several years ago when another driver ran a stop sign, and the collision resulted in a broken leg for Dad.  He had provided companionship and care for Mom till the end of her life.

Dad did not suffer pain or become incapacitated either mentally or physically.  He was still mowing his own lawn with a push mower and walking to the post office daily for the mail.  He was still writing, both for his monthly column in Calvary Messenger, and in contributions to The Hutchinson News and the Mennonite World Review.  He was still visiting regularly by phone with friends all over the country.  He attended every church service at our church, and often took in events at other churches or in the community.  He still contributed occasionally in church services.

I learned about Dad's death in the middle of a workshop at the Christian school conference in Wichita when Arlyn N., our principal, called me out to deliver the message about Dad's death which he had gotten in a text from LaVerne.  Norma was already on hand to take me home if that's what I wanted to do.  We had yet to retrieve the keys from Sharon N. so that we could take her minivan, and then we drove the hour home.  I talked to Linda a time or two by phone on our way home and talked to Norma and thought and tried to digest the new reality as I rode along.  Norma was the perfect traveling companion, and I was very grateful for the people around  me who stepped in to help.

At first Linda answered from the scene of the accident, but everything had been cleared away by the time I arrived home, and she had gone back to work to wrap up some things that could not easily be turned over to others.  She had walked to the accident site from Golden Rule (Dorothea had stepped outside and then reported that there had been a crash.  She didn't think it looked like Dad's car, and Eldo had passed by and didn't think so either, but Linda knew she had to know . . .)  She learned quickly from Marvin M. (an emergency services responder we know) that it was bad and that she should stay back.  Only later was she told (after Marvin and Lois had also arrived) that it was Dad and he had not survived the accident.   They had sent out a message on the family email group that there had been an accident before the outcome was known.

Dietrich had "snapped" his cousin Bryant , and he retrieved the message around midnight in Africa.  It was a great relief to know that Myron's family had been informed.  They had just arrived at a place where an internet connection was possible again.  Myron called early the next morning there--while all the local siblings were seated around the table at Dad's house, making plans.  Via speaker phone, Myron joined the planning.  Local people who want to meet Myron's family during calling hours should know that they will be present only during the evening calling hours--right after their arrival here.

The funeral is scheduled for 1:30 on Sunday.  Calling hours are the day before--from 2:00 to 4:00 and from 5:30-8:30.  All are at Center Church.

My Facebook post (I have an open account so anyone on Facebook can go there) invited friends who knew Dad to share their memories.  I'm opening this space to such comments as well.  I'm thoroughly enjoying hearing those memories, and am humbled by people's kindness and by Dad's influence on others.