Marian's Legacy--Part 2

At one particularly anguishing time in Marian's life, I told her a story I had read earlier in Guideposts magazine.  The story was about a man who had just had a visitor in the nursing home where he resided.  The visitor was a woman who had at one time been engaged to the man she was visiting now.  She had later married someone else, under traumatic circumstances.

After the first couple became engaged, (I'll call them Don and Ruth.) Don had a horrible accident that left him disabled to the point of needing nearly total care the rest of his life.  Soon afterward, Don's mother visited Ruth and told her that she believed it would be best if she broke  her engagement to Don.  Don's mother loved Ruth dearly, but unselfishly gave Ruth permission to do what she thought would offer her a brighter future.  Ruth reluctantly followed her prospective mother-in-law's suggestion, and broke the engagement.  In all the following years, however, Ruth maintained her friendship with Don, and visited him regularly, apparently without compromise to her marriage.

Marian and I marveled together at that strange and unlikely "no fault" Guideposts story.  We had a special reason for pondering such a story, for Marian had just experienced a broken engagement.  The future was uncharted territory.  Neither of us had ever known anyone like this, or observed how people act in similar circumstances, especially when ongoing contact is likely, as it was in their case.  Would a continuing healthy friendship be possible for Marian and her "Don?"

It was possible, as gradually became clear.  Right through Marian's final days, "Don" visited her when she was sick, prayed for her, and did I-don't-know-what-else for her.  For the most part, they did not appear in public together, and they certainly did not sneak around in secret.

After the broken engagement, our church community continued to embrace both of them, and I never heard any criticism of their history together, or their decision to cancel the marriage plans.  I remember one person expressing some indignation when "Don" took Marian and others in her family to hear the "Messiah" at Lindsborg,  but that's the only time I heard  of any such comment on their ongoing friendship.  I'm pretty sure Marian enjoyed the day.  She was unlikely to spend the necessary money to hear the presentation, so having someone else pay for the tickets was a real treat.

The more I think about this unusual circumstance, the more I admire how Marian handled it.  Leading up to the initial momentous decision, she needed a lot of hand holding, prayer support, and advice from people wiser than I, but after she regained her balance, she did very well at moving on by herself, and making room for "Don's"  friendship when it suited her--or him.  I know less of "Don's" side of the story, but believe that he did well at moving on also.  He told me, though, that Marian's death was far more difficult for him than he anticipated.  Pain at parting is always the price of friendship.

"Healthy relationships following broken engagement" does not appear on many people's list of life accomplishments, but it's one part of Marian's legacy that puts a smile on my face.  I hope such a thing never happens to you, but if it does, that is how you can handle it, and life will eventually be good again.  It's a juggling act made possible by Christian maturity and the grace of God operating in a person's life.  Marian showed us how such a thing is done with courage and grace.

Thank you, dear friend.