Wedding Logistics Do's and Don'ts

Owing to the vast experience I've acquired after helping plan one wedding, I would like to share the wisdom I've gained. Here are some tips and tidbits.

DO

--Plan for the wedding and reception to be in the same facility if it is feasible.

--Delegate fearlessly. We had one volunteer bake the hot rolls, paid someone else to do the barbecued chicken, asked someone else to make the melon salad, and had two couples work in the kitchen on the day of the wedding. The day before when a crew gathered to work on food preparation, my sister Lois took charge of the cake baking, and my sister-in-law Judy took care of making the Oriental Cabbage Noodle Salad, and Rose and Elizabeth saw to it that the ingredients for the rice dish were prepared and measured. Dad picked up the watermelons from a farmer's market vendor and Hiromi got the cantaloupe from a local grower.

--Check whether there will be adequate refrigerator or freezer space, and timely access for food preparation and reception setup before you decide on a certain facility. Don't ask how I know the importance of this one.

--Accept all offers of help. I can't imagine how this wedding could have happened without a lot of help from a lot of people.

--Make sure everyone that will be helping with preparations carries a cellphone if they are not familiar with the area--in case they get hopelessly lost on their way to a job site or meeting place.

--Figure out what you're going to do with food leftovers before the day of the wedding and take appropriate containers to the reception site.

--Plan for getting all borrowed items back to the owners as soon as possible.

--Wear comfortable shoes if you're going to be helping clean up or carry out gifts.

--Cultivate a friendship with a kind friend like Marian who organizes a crew of ladies to wash your windows and clean out the flower beds the week before the wedding.

--Invite your extended family to the rehearsal dinner. They'll help you get ready and clean up, and most importantly, the relatives of both families will have a chance to get acquainted.

--Check whether the reception site has a sound system if any kind of program is planned.

--Let the couple's grandparents hang around in the vicinity of the receiving line if they get as big a thrill out of meeting people as my dad does.

--Resolve not to worry about anything on the day of the wedding.

DON'T

--Choose a facility that also uses the kitchen for a daycare. They will not allow you to use the kitchen till late in the day on Friday, and their fridge will be full of supplies for the daycare meals. With our kind of luck the freezer will quit and not be repairable before the wedding.

--Back up against something greasy on the wedding day after you've already donned your light blue wedding satin dress. Despite the best efforts of your kind friends to help, you'll suspect that it shines like a tail light the rest of the day.

--Wait till you've finished eating to make notes on what you want to say during open mike. People will notice the napkin in your hand while you're talking, and you'll be "outed" as a procrastinator.

--Worry about what your husband will do during open mike. He will distinguish himself without your assistance.

--Let anyone intimidate you into abandoning planning ahead of time. Everyone who helps will be glad for everything that is clearly spelled out.

A number of months ago I told you I would let you know if having a son marry can safely be handled like going to the dentist. The answer is affirmative. You know it's coming, you know it won't all be pleasant, but you take the necessary steps nonetheless, one at a time, and finally the time comes and you keep right on doing what is necessary, and it's not as bad as you were afraid it was going to be. The day itself is full of making good memories that can be treasured for a long time.