Gender-Ratio Reversal Contemplated

A snake is on the loose in our basement. According to eye witness reports it is a beautiful snake, with red markings. It is about two feet long and 3/4 inch in diameter. It was first sighted in Victor's room (shudder), and then slithered away under the couch in the family room. We don't know how it gained entrance to the basement or how long it has resided there. Contemplating this is not comforting.

Shane calmly reported on the snake's presence when he came upstairs for a paper bag to put it in. I suggested instead a large plastic rectangular tote and a broom and/or dustpan for encouraging it to take up residence in the tipped over-tote. He dutifully rounded up what I suggested while Victor kept an eye on the snake. Then while they both equivocated over dropping a ten-pound bar bell weight on its head, it thought better of sticking around and made a hasty exit.

I thought the logical next step was to move the couch and ferret out the hideaway, but Shane had to leave, right then, to go stuff wedding invitations into church mailboxes. This was after a supper table, out-loud reflection that he thinks they should just elope. "The wedding is still three months away and I'm already tired of getting ready for a wedding." He went on to observe that if they were going to elope, it should be before the invitations go into the church mailboxes. (I was thinking it should also have been before the extended family helped for several hours to get the invitations ready.) That would have given him approximately 45 minutes to put the plan in action. Part of that time was spent thinking about a snake--not the most romantic pasttime, especially for Shane, who hates snakes.

Hiromi and Victor (Joel and Grant were not home yet.) took one look at the couch where the snake had sought refuge, loaded down with pillows and blankets as it is, and declared that it would not be easy to move. I thought privately that I could move it all by myself, except that I had no intention of going anywhere near it. Hiromi went back to finish getting dressed, and Victor went back to eating his bowl of cereal, a P.S. to the evening meal I had prepared. Hiromi also noted that he'd better put Houdini (the parakeet) back in his cage so the snake doesn't eat him.

Joel, Shane, and Victor, who all sleep in the basement, apparently went to bed with no qualms. This morning there were no accounts of alarming encounters during the night. Joel left the house for the airport around 5:00--on his way to Faith Builders for his girlfriend Hilda's graduation. (He wisely packed his suitcase upstairs.) Shane and Victor got up and went off to work as usual. Houdini is fine in his cage in the living room.

As for me, I got up in the dark at 4:00 to go to the bathroom. I did not think of the snake till I was at the entrance to the bathroom. Then I remembered, and did not trust the night light to reveal all that might be lurking there. So I turned on the overhead light, did a quick look around, and woke myself so thoroughly that I did not sleep after that.

I think the five male residents of this household would all think a little loss of sleep serves me right for getting all stirred up about a little thing like a snake under the couch in the family room downstairs. When throwing a girly fit might be useful, I really wish for all those girls we never had. What if the gender ratios were reversed? I doubt that a lonely male, for example, could stand the pressure of five females outraged over being asked to tolerate cohabiting with a snake.

But it's just me. And the five of them are quite capable of resisting whatever pressure I can muster. Even the parakeet gets more consideration than I.