Typing Tests
I interrupt the series on an American Obsession to bring you news of a test of manhood which transpired yesterday during typing class. You need several details to understand exactly how it happened, in case you wish to duplicate the test elsewhere.
In the computer lab, where typing class takes place, we have eleven very nicely decorated paper-and-book stands to hold materials that are being copied or consulted while typing. They were a project of the home environment class several years ago, very neatly and cleverly designed by Marvin and decorated by individual students. Pinched to each stand is a monster clip designed to hold books and papers upright against the stand. The clip is the black metal-spine type, with shoulder-jointed "arms" extending away from the spine to lie flat on a sheaf of papers, or folding back over the spine to provide handles for opening the pinching side of the spine.
The test of manhood (identified as such by a class member) involved clipping these monsters onto one's own ear. Only one student passed the manhood test. He promptly removed it because it really hurt--except that's not how the test was being designed by the perpetrators.
The other three involved in the competition persevered. They kept typing, but they held their head very still, occasionally submitting reports on how it was going:
1. Moving your head really hurts.
2. I have mine on the side of my ear. I think that hurts a lot worse than hanging it from the bottom.
3. I think it's cutting off the circulation.
4. It hurts like pinching your finger in the automatic garage door. Have any of you ever done that?
(One answer: I pinched my head in the garage door. My observation: That might explain a few things.)
5. I'm keeping mine right here till break. Just so you know that you'll lose if you take yours off before then.
Others in the class observed that some people's ears were turning very red. This could, of course, only be verified if both ears were viewed at once, from the front or back, and required very slow rotation of the head to a viewable position. This was painful.
Finally one contestant decided to move his clip to the lower part of his ear (from the side), to see if it hurt less there, and he couldn't quite make himself reattach it. The other clips swiftly came off their respective ears.
More observations: Your ear is shaped funny now. It's really red. It's deformed.
"May I go look at my ear in the mirror?"
"No. You need to be typing."
"But it's deformed."
Impeccable logic, I know. But someone in the room needed right then to prove her teacherhood.
Another observation from a contestant: I'm typing a lot faster now.
In the computer lab, where typing class takes place, we have eleven very nicely decorated paper-and-book stands to hold materials that are being copied or consulted while typing. They were a project of the home environment class several years ago, very neatly and cleverly designed by Marvin and decorated by individual students. Pinched to each stand is a monster clip designed to hold books and papers upright against the stand. The clip is the black metal-spine type, with shoulder-jointed "arms" extending away from the spine to lie flat on a sheaf of papers, or folding back over the spine to provide handles for opening the pinching side of the spine.
The test of manhood (identified as such by a class member) involved clipping these monsters onto one's own ear. Only one student passed the manhood test. He promptly removed it because it really hurt--except that's not how the test was being designed by the perpetrators.
The other three involved in the competition persevered. They kept typing, but they held their head very still, occasionally submitting reports on how it was going:
1. Moving your head really hurts.
2. I have mine on the side of my ear. I think that hurts a lot worse than hanging it from the bottom.
3. I think it's cutting off the circulation.
4. It hurts like pinching your finger in the automatic garage door. Have any of you ever done that?
(One answer: I pinched my head in the garage door. My observation: That might explain a few things.)
5. I'm keeping mine right here till break. Just so you know that you'll lose if you take yours off before then.
Others in the class observed that some people's ears were turning very red. This could, of course, only be verified if both ears were viewed at once, from the front or back, and required very slow rotation of the head to a viewable position. This was painful.
Finally one contestant decided to move his clip to the lower part of his ear (from the side), to see if it hurt less there, and he couldn't quite make himself reattach it. The other clips swiftly came off their respective ears.
More observations: Your ear is shaped funny now. It's really red. It's deformed.
"May I go look at my ear in the mirror?"
"No. You need to be typing."
"But it's deformed."
Impeccable logic, I know. But someone in the room needed right then to prove her teacherhood.
Another observation from a contestant: I'm typing a lot faster now.
posted by Mrs. I (Miriam Iwashige) at
7:31 AM
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