"I" Problems
Years ago someone who critiqued a piece of my writing returned it to me with all the "I's" eliminated, and the sentences rewritten without them. The critiquer informed me that using the word "I" in writing was not a good strategy.
When I started teaching composition, our textbook said the same thing. The explanation went something like this: statements are stronger when the writer is not inserted into the prose, and when the writing doesn't come across as an opinion, but as a fact. "That stinks" is a stronger statement than "I think that stinks." Or "The sunset was beautiful tonight" rather than "I saw a beautiful sunset tonight." No argument here. That's not the whole story though, and I often choose to disregard this prohibition against using "I."
No doubt we've all heard distasteful, boastful-sounding "I" messages coming through in verbal and written communication. Get over yourself is what we're probably thinking at such times. Paying attention to the tone in our communication makes sense, and our use of the word "I" sometimes strikes an offensive note. What we're thinking may or may not agree with what God is thinking about the use of the word "I." An inflated sense of self-importance may be present, or not.
In favor of using "I" are these ideas:
1. Sometimes using "I" is simply the most direct, honest way to phrase things. Self-conscious avoidance of the term can actually call unnecessary attention to the writer. Example: "Some people think . . . " (Here the reader is probably momentarily distracted by wondering if that's also what the writer thinks.) If attributing an idea to others is simply a roundabout way of expressing your own thoughts, it's better to cut through the verbiage and say simply "I think . . . "
2. Haim Ginott wrote several influential books that have informed my parenting and teaching, especially in the use of "I" messages. (Between Parent and Child, and Teacher and Child)
Example: Depersonalize negative interactions by mentioning only the problem. "I see a messy room." (Wikipedia)
It's harder for a child to argue with this than if you said "This room is messy," or, worse, "You really messed up this room."
The takeaway lesson from Ginott's writings is that using "I" messages can be a useful strategy for avoiding blame directed toward the person you're addressing or speaking of. When you avoid casting blame, the other person is less likely to resist what you say. You're simply articulating your perspective, and letting others draw their own conclusions about what response is called for.
3. If you're Amish Mennonite, using "I" is sometimes prudent, lest you come across as over-confident and arrogant. It's called cultural finesse, as surely as it is when Hiromi has a firm opinion about something, but says of it instead "It's possible that . . . " It's less offensive when you offer something as merely the expression of your own thought rather than an unequivocal assertion of how things are.
4. Using "we" where "I" is more appropriate muddies the meaning and should be avoided. Unless you're sure that you're expressing others' thoughts accurately, it's better not to associate them with your utterances. When one of your fire-breathing sons declares that at our house we love "hot" [spicy] food, you're thinking Don't speak for me if you're the only family member who cringes at the thought of consuming any salsa with a higher-temperature rating than mild.
For the above reasons, in composition class, when we get to the part in the textbook that warns against using "I" in writing, I usually couch the instructions in caveats, although, for a time, I religiously call it to their attention when a better alternative is available.
**************************
We have water tonight. That is, of course, our usual situation, but yesterday around 4:00, our water quit coming, for the second time this week. Hiromi worked on the problem today and made multiple trips to town, probably far more than anyone should have to on a Sunday, and tonight we have a new well system, complete with a new submersible pump, a new pipe and electrical line into the well, and a new pressure switch. Grant helped out this afternoon.
We're relieved that it wasn't a case of the water level in the well having dropped. A prolonged drought and lots of pumping to supply several new pivot irrigation systems in the area caused us some concern that maybe that was the problem. We're not sure why we had water since Tuesday when the problem first became apparent, and why we had water again this morning for a few minutes. With a failing pump, that doesn't all make sense to me.
I'm grateful for a handyman husband who can solve problems like this with help from God and others. Easy access to clean water is a great gift.
*************************
One week from today all the Iwashige family's moving should be completed. That will be worth celebrating.
We already have plans to spend next Sun. afternoon and evening cooking and eating Japanese food with a family from Hutchinson who met Hiromi at work. The wife spent part of her childhood in Japan. They also learned to know Joel through his work on the MFC board. She is a Mennonite pastor.
Along with others, all the Iwashiges are invited. We'll see if being there looks possible to everyone in our family. If not, it will likely be because some are burrowed deep into their new digs, trying to recover from the stresses of all the moving.
**************************
My friend Marian has temporarily moved to Cottonwood Lane, where my sister Lois is providing primary care for her. Because of a great deal of nausea, Marian has not been able to eat well and has continued to lose weight and strength. Every swallow takes concentration--to stifle the gag reflex that threatens to sabotage her efforts to take in nourishment and medications.
In the quiet environment at Cottonwood, with careful attention to giving each of the medications on time, offering Marian tempting food many times a day, and praying many prayers, all of us who love her hope that she can relax, gain strength, and heal. Please pray for her as you think of her.
***************************
Blogspot has a glitch I can't always manage to work around. The problem surfaces when I cut and paste from an outside source. After I do so, often all the font codes transfer to the rest of the post and I can't change back to the original font. Such was the case above when I quoted from the site on Haim Ginott. I don't like it.
When I started teaching composition, our textbook said the same thing. The explanation went something like this: statements are stronger when the writer is not inserted into the prose, and when the writing doesn't come across as an opinion, but as a fact. "That stinks" is a stronger statement than "I think that stinks." Or "The sunset was beautiful tonight" rather than "I saw a beautiful sunset tonight." No argument here. That's not the whole story though, and I often choose to disregard this prohibition against using "I."
No doubt we've all heard distasteful, boastful-sounding "I" messages coming through in verbal and written communication. Get over yourself is what we're probably thinking at such times. Paying attention to the tone in our communication makes sense, and our use of the word "I" sometimes strikes an offensive note. What we're thinking may or may not agree with what God is thinking about the use of the word "I." An inflated sense of self-importance may be present, or not.
In favor of using "I" are these ideas:
1. Sometimes using "I" is simply the most direct, honest way to phrase things. Self-conscious avoidance of the term can actually call unnecessary attention to the writer. Example: "Some people think . . . " (Here the reader is probably momentarily distracted by wondering if that's also what the writer thinks.) If attributing an idea to others is simply a roundabout way of expressing your own thoughts, it's better to cut through the verbiage and say simply "I think . . . "
2. Haim Ginott wrote several influential books that have informed my parenting and teaching, especially in the use of "I" messages. (Between Parent and Child, and Teacher and Child)
Example: Depersonalize negative interactions by mentioning only the problem. "I see a messy room." (Wikipedia)
It's harder for a child to argue with this than if you said "This room is messy," or, worse, "You really messed up this room."
The takeaway lesson from Ginott's writings is that using "I" messages can be a useful strategy for avoiding blame directed toward the person you're addressing or speaking of. When you avoid casting blame, the other person is less likely to resist what you say. You're simply articulating your perspective, and letting others draw their own conclusions about what response is called for.
3. If you're Amish Mennonite, using "I" is sometimes prudent, lest you come across as over-confident and arrogant. It's called cultural finesse, as surely as it is when Hiromi has a firm opinion about something, but says of it instead "It's possible that . . . " It's less offensive when you offer something as merely the expression of your own thought rather than an unequivocal assertion of how things are.
4. Using "we" where "I" is more appropriate muddies the meaning and should be avoided. Unless you're sure that you're expressing others' thoughts accurately, it's better not to associate them with your utterances. When one of your fire-breathing sons declares that at our house we love "hot" [spicy] food, you're thinking Don't speak for me if you're the only family member who cringes at the thought of consuming any salsa with a higher-temperature rating than mild.
For the above reasons, in composition class, when we get to the part in the textbook that warns against using "I" in writing, I usually couch the instructions in caveats, although, for a time, I religiously call it to their attention when a better alternative is available.
**************************
We have water tonight. That is, of course, our usual situation, but yesterday around 4:00, our water quit coming, for the second time this week. Hiromi worked on the problem today and made multiple trips to town, probably far more than anyone should have to on a Sunday, and tonight we have a new well system, complete with a new submersible pump, a new pipe and electrical line into the well, and a new pressure switch. Grant helped out this afternoon.
We're relieved that it wasn't a case of the water level in the well having dropped. A prolonged drought and lots of pumping to supply several new pivot irrigation systems in the area caused us some concern that maybe that was the problem. We're not sure why we had water since Tuesday when the problem first became apparent, and why we had water again this morning for a few minutes. With a failing pump, that doesn't all make sense to me.
I'm grateful for a handyman husband who can solve problems like this with help from God and others. Easy access to clean water is a great gift.
*************************
One week from today all the Iwashige family's moving should be completed. That will be worth celebrating.
We already have plans to spend next Sun. afternoon and evening cooking and eating Japanese food with a family from Hutchinson who met Hiromi at work. The wife spent part of her childhood in Japan. They also learned to know Joel through his work on the MFC board. She is a Mennonite pastor.
Along with others, all the Iwashiges are invited. We'll see if being there looks possible to everyone in our family. If not, it will likely be because some are burrowed deep into their new digs, trying to recover from the stresses of all the moving.
**************************
My friend Marian has temporarily moved to Cottonwood Lane, where my sister Lois is providing primary care for her. Because of a great deal of nausea, Marian has not been able to eat well and has continued to lose weight and strength. Every swallow takes concentration--to stifle the gag reflex that threatens to sabotage her efforts to take in nourishment and medications.
In the quiet environment at Cottonwood, with careful attention to giving each of the medications on time, offering Marian tempting food many times a day, and praying many prayers, all of us who love her hope that she can relax, gain strength, and heal. Please pray for her as you think of her.
***************************
Blogspot has a glitch I can't always manage to work around. The problem surfaces when I cut and paste from an outside source. After I do so, often all the font codes transfer to the rest of the post and I can't change back to the original font. Such was the case above when I quoted from the site on Haim Ginott. I don't like it.
posted by Mrs. I (Miriam Iwashige) at
11:40 PM
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