An Awkward Age

Cookie Wiebe died yesterday morning at age 57. A service will be held in Newton, and burial will be in Beatrice, Nebraska. Joel and Hilda's vacation plans have changed so that they can share with others in grieving--and celebrating.

I learned something about the last weeks of her life at her blog charitableliving.net. Cookie's husband David authored the most recent posts. He's honest about the inconveniences of caring for someone near the end of life, but the hope of eternity in heaven shines strong as well.

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We worked our way last night through about half of the parent teacher conferences for this round. I'm always pleased to see how many different ways parents show their concern for their children and how many forms responsible parenting can take. Gaining perspective on our important, but limited, claim on these students' time and life is invaluable. I don't have any trouble sympathizing with parents who regret the family activities their busy students miss out on because of school demands. I hated too what school did to our family life when we switched from homeschooling to classroom schooling.

Balancing the regret, however, is a nagging question about whether some students game the system by gallivanting about on "E" privilege at school (or wasting time otherwise) and then hitting the books hard at home after school, using their schoolwork as a convenient alibi for avoiding work at home. I can't remember how well I was able to enforce it, but I remember asking Shane to stay in the learning center until his goals for the day were met when I suspected he was "partying" at school and planning to do his school work at home. Another possible tool for parents to use would be to ask that their student leave the learning center to "study" elsewhere only after lunch--or at another appropriate time marker.

If you're a parent reading this, don't misconstrue this to mean that I believe no studying happens when students are outside the learning center. It's likely, however, that studying is often inefficient, and--make no mistake--socializing and playing possibilities are a huge draw for earning "E" privilege status. On the other hand, when the weather is lovely, I'm always glad if "E" privilege students can take advantage of being able to study at the picnic tables outside.

Parents might learn exactly what is required for maintaining "C" privilege, and then work with their students to make that the goal rather than "E." Maintaining that privilege level is still substantially surpassing the minimum --in making progress toward graduation--but limits the "goofing off" options at school. On "C" privilege, students are required to stay in the learning center or in class at school, except for break times.

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I think sometimes that being in your late 50s is an awkward age. Our parents are old enough and near enough at the end of their journey that we sense the urgency of learning from their accumulated wisdom while there is still opportunity. Are we, as it sometimes seems to them, heedless of guarding values that we ought to be holding dear?

Some of our children are old enough to have passed the magical 25-year marker when the adult brain is fully developed, and all of them have their own home. We recognize that they are sharper in many ways than we can ever hope to be. Are we also, as it sometimes seems to them, blind to our need to let go of things that no longer serve us well?

We feel, at the same time, that we are not cautious enough and not daring enough. Among our peers and leaders, some tend more toward caution than daring, and others, more toward daring than caution. Who do we align ourselves most closely with?

Even in matters that have been a lifelong passion, we don't have it all figured out. When is it right to push mightily for innovation and progress--if it becomes clear that the familiar ways are not serving us well, and when is it better to use the systems already in place, tweaking, mending, and shoring up as needed? Launching off in a new direction consumes a lot of time and energy. Is the end result worth the time and effort?

As women, when does submission to those over us (who may not be taking action) trump the responsibility we all have to live purposefully and compassionately, prompting in us a desire to intercede or intervene on behalf of those who are marginalized, ill-served, hurting, or needy in some other way? When does it constitute taking up an offense for another--something we're told is wrong?

We want to participate fully in the business of living, but we long for a life that is as stress-free as possible. The knowledge that stasis is not the ideal tempers our desire for fewer challenges, unless, like Cookie, we are expecting to die very soon, and we welcome the prospect.

This or that? More or less? Initiate or wait? Advance or retreat?

Being able to depend on the Lord to reveal each step as it needs to be taken is a comfort, and saves me from the paralysis that results from trying to figure it all out before I start. For now, the next steps are very mundane: Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Pack lunch. Go to school. But the less mundane are clear also: Worship throughout the day. Live mindfully. Invest in relationships. Help those who struggle. Honor others. Live humbly. Intercede in prayer.

I'd better get started.