Talking About Trouble
I’ve noticed that people seem to have varying tolerances for talking about their own troubles or listening sympathetically to others talk about their problems. Often these matters also involve other family members, and this is where things get more tricky fast. I’ve tried to figure out if I’m too close-lipped or too loose-lipped in this regard. I haven’t succeeded.
One thing I’ve settled in my mind long ago is that I would be foolish to try to control what other people say or think about me and my family. The energy expended in that regard is largely wasted, in my opinion. Information control is an occupation I have no interest in, and little vision for enabling in others. In general, I think the best help and the best decisions can happen when openness is more in evidence than tight control of information.
I have a close friend who has undergone a metamorphosis since I’ve first known her. She used to speak freely about what she experienced, what she feared, and how she and her family had failed. Then she came to see that talking about how bad things were could make it harder for people she loved to find acceptance again when their troubles had begun to be resolved, and they sought restored relationships. Now she is quite reserved about what she reveals, even when things are seriously wrong, and others’ prayers are needed. I hardly know whether it’s better to ask, to let her know I’m not forgetting about the need, and am still praying, or to wait till she talks to me if she wants to. I recognize, however, that she has grown by leaps and bounds in her desire and ability to trust God in difficult times, so I’m not ready to conclude that she is making a mistake now by being more reserved.
I’ve also seen the opposite—where people talk more freely than seems appropriate to me about the details of their own lives and the lives of those close to them. The accounts are rich in drama and desperation, replete sometimes with details I’d just as soon not know. Frequent, similar, and urgent requests come from some of these people. I wish I were more like Jesus–never tiring of hearing about people’s needs–no matter how often or in what way they are expressed. Usually I remember Jesus’ way quickly enough not to take offense at what people say about their own or others’ needs.
How about prayer calls? Is it possible to overdo the spreading of information regarding the needs of people neither you nor the recipient of the information is closely associated with? This disaster or that threatens someone. Serious illness is suspected. A crisis looms. Oh my. I don’t know about this either. I reason that my most important responsibility in such cases is to pray, but maybe it’s not the same for everyone. Maybe it is important for some people to be diligent in spreading the word about needs, especially when they carry responsibility for the welfare of the people involved.
Can people request prayer out of self-centered motives? I think I’ve seen that. They do not seem interested in praying for others nearly as much as they are in others praying for them.
I do know that, when I know a person will pray, I’ve never yet been offended if someone asked me about a need of mine or within my family. I cry sometimes–not out of shame, but in gratitude that someone else is willing to help carry my burden. Or maybe the situation simply begs for some release, and I find it when someone is willing to listen.
Because I tend to think by talking or writing, I am more likely to err on the side of saying too much rather than too little. I have my limits though, and will not say to everyone some things that I feel free to share with others who are close to me.
All this reflection on openness/guardedness would certainly be out of order if it resulted in less needful sharing or praying than would happen otherwise. I hope people always feel free to ask me about things they wonder about in my situation–if they will pray, that is. In turn, I promise to listen without condemnation if others share their needs and ask me to pray.
And I will probably go back to trying to be discerning about how and when I volunteer information about my own needs and ask others to pray.
One thing I’ve settled in my mind long ago is that I would be foolish to try to control what other people say or think about me and my family. The energy expended in that regard is largely wasted, in my opinion. Information control is an occupation I have no interest in, and little vision for enabling in others. In general, I think the best help and the best decisions can happen when openness is more in evidence than tight control of information.
I have a close friend who has undergone a metamorphosis since I’ve first known her. She used to speak freely about what she experienced, what she feared, and how she and her family had failed. Then she came to see that talking about how bad things were could make it harder for people she loved to find acceptance again when their troubles had begun to be resolved, and they sought restored relationships. Now she is quite reserved about what she reveals, even when things are seriously wrong, and others’ prayers are needed. I hardly know whether it’s better to ask, to let her know I’m not forgetting about the need, and am still praying, or to wait till she talks to me if she wants to. I recognize, however, that she has grown by leaps and bounds in her desire and ability to trust God in difficult times, so I’m not ready to conclude that she is making a mistake now by being more reserved.
I’ve also seen the opposite—where people talk more freely than seems appropriate to me about the details of their own lives and the lives of those close to them. The accounts are rich in drama and desperation, replete sometimes with details I’d just as soon not know. Frequent, similar, and urgent requests come from some of these people. I wish I were more like Jesus–never tiring of hearing about people’s needs–no matter how often or in what way they are expressed. Usually I remember Jesus’ way quickly enough not to take offense at what people say about their own or others’ needs.
How about prayer calls? Is it possible to overdo the spreading of information regarding the needs of people neither you nor the recipient of the information is closely associated with? This disaster or that threatens someone. Serious illness is suspected. A crisis looms. Oh my. I don’t know about this either. I reason that my most important responsibility in such cases is to pray, but maybe it’s not the same for everyone. Maybe it is important for some people to be diligent in spreading the word about needs, especially when they carry responsibility for the welfare of the people involved.
Can people request prayer out of self-centered motives? I think I’ve seen that. They do not seem interested in praying for others nearly as much as they are in others praying for them.
I do know that, when I know a person will pray, I’ve never yet been offended if someone asked me about a need of mine or within my family. I cry sometimes–not out of shame, but in gratitude that someone else is willing to help carry my burden. Or maybe the situation simply begs for some release, and I find it when someone is willing to listen.
Because I tend to think by talking or writing, I am more likely to err on the side of saying too much rather than too little. I have my limits though, and will not say to everyone some things that I feel free to share with others who are close to me.
All this reflection on openness/guardedness would certainly be out of order if it resulted in less needful sharing or praying than would happen otherwise. I hope people always feel free to ask me about things they wonder about in my situation–if they will pray, that is. In turn, I promise to listen without condemnation if others share their needs and ask me to pray.
And I will probably go back to trying to be discerning about how and when I volunteer information about my own needs and ask others to pray.
posted by Mrs. I at
3:58 PM
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