Prairie View

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Calling My Children Home

I think it's all Shane's fault, for singing the bass part beautifully. Or maybe John shares the blame, for singing the lead tenor so compellingly. Or it might be that Nafziger guy, if he chose the songs on that Laudate [lah(oo) – dah – teh] CD. Or maybe it's Emmy Lou Harris' fault for writing that sentimental country song: "Calling My Children Home." In any case, hearing that song gets to me every time, and makes me miss my boys like crazy.

Not that they are so very far away. Grant is two rooms away. Joel is in his own home in Abbyville--just up the road from our house on Trail West Road, and Shane is one state away in Colorado. They all have my blessing in being where they are. Joel and Shane each have a wonderful wife and they both are making good contributions in various ways. No regrets there. But for them, home is not here anymore, and I'm here and they're not. Sigh.

If John's mom is listening to the CD, she's probably thinking about her three boys who are scattered from Pennsylvania and Virginia to Thailand. I don't envy her, although she certainly has many reasons to feel good about the choices each of them has made.

I'm determined not to be a clingy mom. My mother was a good example to me in that regard, and I admire her for it. When the boys got married, I stayed composed and enjoyed their special day. Since then, I've tried not to dwell on their absence. But somehow the words and the music of that plaintive Laudate song let those kept-in-check emotions bubble to the surface.

I've noticed that singing often does that for me. I'm not musically gifted, or particularly sensitive to its nuances. When others might seek music to fill silence, I often prefer silence. Yet I recognize the power of music to call forth what is already inside me, or to remind me of what is true, but not yet internalized. I know what it is to pray and worship through music. Listening to any reasonably competent singing group blesses me, and I like helping sing in church.

I really don't want to hear music on the dark side--expressing other people's rage or confusion. The world has quite enough of that in realms outside of music.

Country music, in general, doesn't do much for me either, since I don't have a lost love to mourn for. Why go there--just to wallow in someone else's misery? Except when a country music writer says "I'm Lonesome for my Precious Children"--then it's not someone else's misery I'm reminded of. It's my own.

I'm giving myself a talking to. Be glad for the good memories of times with the children. At least they're not memories of regret and remorse. That would be a whole lot sadder. Having them forever remain adolescents wouldn't have been much fun either. Having them grow up was the plan all along. Thank God for the glad times and many mercies along the way, and rejoice in what is good about now. With enough time, I think I'll get there someday--when thoughts like these will be my first thoughts, and not dredged-up afterthoughts to help me deal with melancholy feelings.

More important than how I feel now is the reality of an afterlife, and the hope of spending it with my family forever. Harris says it this way (and Shane and John and the other Laudate men): I hope and pray we'll live together,
In that great glad hereafter life. Amen.

4 Comments:

  • One clarification: Rebecca's three oldest sons are in Mexico, Virginia, and Thailand. --Linda Rose

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2/14/2010  

  • I find this post very interesting because I don't believe Mom has ever been terribly fond of the song, "Calling My Children Home", for some of the same reasons you were stating. God didn't make all moms alike but the similarities are fascinating. :)

    By Blogger Unknown, at 2/15/2010  

  • Miriam, my thoughts exactly. Being a Mom is hard sometimes! But, I can't forget how good it is as well!

    Bless you!

    Susanna

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2/15/2010  

  • You're making me miss my boys! I so treasure the memories of when they were all at home! This coming June it will be 4 years that they were all four together at the same time, now being scattered in OR, AZ, central IN, and one here, in northern IN. I know that they are all where they are supposed to be for now, but how I miss them, all the same!

    By Blogger Mary A. Miller, at 2/15/2010  

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