Tomboys, Patriarchy, and Women as Leaders in the Church

"Fasten your seat belts.  We will encounter turbulence."  I hear these words spoken in the flat tones of the flight attendant who delivered this message somewhere high above the Pacific Ocean when Hiromi and I and our year-old-son Joel were on our way to Japan.  The message might apply just as well to writing a blog post like this one.  

First, the caveats.  My ideas are not fully formed.  In general I hate having people read my writing until I'm "all done."  That is, I want time to reread, edit, weigh the accuracy and tone of the words, spread the written words before the Lord and ask Him to draw my attention to what needs to be changed, consider the possible fallout from launching the words into the ether, and to "gird up the loins of [my mind]" in preparation for the aftermath.  I'm writing this now anyway because I want others to help me think this through and because I know how important it is to be vulnerable if I want to grow.  Brene Brown has established this necessity in her writings.  

In most ways I do not feel squelched or unable to serve in the church and elsewhere in whatever ways that the Lord has given me opportunity to serve, in the ways in which I want to serve, and in keeping with who I am with my limitations, resources, training, and gifts.  I am deeply grateful for this.  As the Psalmist wrote:  "The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places." While I have felt a few wounds along the way, they are not festering, and I can't attribute them solely to issues mentioned in the title of this post.  I don't want anything I say here to be construed as only the complaints of a crotchety old woman. 

Let's talk about tomboys first.  This term came to the forefront for me again just a week or so ago when I read this op ed from the New York Times.  A few days ago I got the related book from the public library: “Tomboy: The Surprising History and Future of Girls Who Dare to Be Different.”   The book and the op ed were both written by Lisa Selin Davis.  

I have read only a few pages beyond the introduction to the book, but that was enough to clarify several things for me. I realized that the term "tomboy" is used less in the current vernacular than it was while I was growing up.  Second, the term conferred something of a hero status on those to whom it was applied, perhaps in the 1970s.  I believe this to have been true in the wider culture, but not necessarily in the Amish Mennonite subculture.  Most significant of all, I see that the "tomboy" space carved out a place for me that tomboys like me can no longer access easily.   I consider this a real shame.  

What we have instead is a hyper-gendered world in which "everyone " must locate themselves within a big world of options that have nothing to do with biology and almost everything to do with cultural expectations.   Do we wear blue or pink, neckties and blazers or ruffles and soft sweaters, dress shoes with slender high heels or very wide low heels?  In marriage or in church or in society, do we lead or do we follow, do we teach or do we learn?  Are we paid more or less for our work?  When we speak up on matters that concern everyone, do we have a ready audience or not? As stated here, and usually as culturally defined, these are binary issues (i. e. only one of the two available options can be true for an individual in any given area).  

I would like to see gender-appropriateness being defined with more latitude than that which currently exists.  The main thing I want is an understanding that allows for all tomboys to have as happy a childhood as I had, and as few conflicts about their identity as I had. The next section on patriarchy will explore how some ideals of masculinity and femininity (gender definitions, in other words) have settled into and shaped our psyche.  This is identifiable in the social, religious, and political realms. 

(To be continued) 

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"Contrarians aren't critical thinkers."  This quote comes from this article.  While the article references events in Ukraine, what I find most thought-provoking is seeing how those events intersect with what is happening in the US.  It's not a major part of the message, but have I mentioned how little I value being contrary "just because?" I think it's immature and pathetic.

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My sister-in-law Chee was moved to Hospice House in Hutchinson today.  A 90th birthday celebration is planned for her on Sunday.  I'm really happy that we can visit her without driving to Wichita, and I'm looking forward to seeing others in the family at the birthday party.  Access is so very much easier at this facility than in a big hospital.