Overcoming Paralysis

Evidence of late appears to suggest that Hiromi and I have spawned some snarky offspring.   Snark is not my writing style (I probably list far to the overly-earnest side), and I sometimes struggle to decipher what I read from other writers, even from my own sons.  When I do understand though, I admire the razor-sharp insights that satire and analogies can offer, and I'm glad that Facebook offers a forum for such gems.  

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On Wednesday of last week (edit:  January 6) I was watching the counting of the electoral votes in the Senate on the New York Times livestream when the sound died and the screen went blank.  This happened during the speeches after an objection had been raised to accepting Arizona's electoral votes for Biden.  Very soon, little blurbs in the accompanying chat column began to reveal the shocking details of what was transpiring at the Capitol in Washington, D.C.  Several video clips posted to the chat conveyed a sense of barely-controlled panic and reigning chaos.  Many details emerged over time, but I woke up on Thursday to learn that the counting of the electoral votes had resulted in the election of Biden and Harris, just as we had been told was the case in early November--more than 60 failed court challenges notwithstanding since then.

Over the following hours and days, familiar feelings settled deeper into my consciousness--feelings that something momentous had just occurred. I also felt this way more than 19 years ago on September 11, 2001 when terrorists weaponized four passenger airplanes and destroyed lives, property, and American landmark structures. I remember thinking then that this "day will live in infamy" just like the day the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor.  That's what brought World War II into every corner of America.  

I feel the same way about January 6, 2021.  Internal conflicts in this country have erupted in violence, with repercussions that will seep into every corner of America.  In 2001, I became aware of how much people outside the U.S. hated this country.  Last week I understood how much some U. S. citizens prioritize their own rights and comfort over the welfare of their fellow-citizens.  Hate almost fits for how fellow citizens are regarded by such people.  The latest incident highlights many other uncomfortable truths--not the least of which includes the fact that truth itself has been ignored in favor of conspiracy theories, false prophecies, power grabs, partisanship, and a personality cult.  January 6, 2021 too is a "day that will live in infamy."

That members of Congress were taken to safety only a minute or two before the mob entered the congressional chambers is horrifying--with law enforcement members completely unable to repel the throng, some of them severely injured while attempting to do so.  That a gallows had been erected outside and that invaders were armed and looking for Vice President Pence and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, while speaking of killing them, is hard to wrap one's mind around.  That the mob had been invited by the president and that he had urged violence is unthinkable.  God's power was not diminished by any of these events, but anyone who trusted the power of the United States government has surely had that confidence shaken.

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I wrote the first part of this about a week ago.  Since then, the House has voted to impeach President Trump.  I'm not sure whether this will produce good results, but I am in favor of shining a bright light on the unconscionable behavior of the current president and many who enable him.  I said something similar during the earlier impeachment proceedings.  My sense is that if all who knew the truth then--and were responsible to act on it--had done so, we would have been spared the recent debacle, along with many lamentable actions in the interim.

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In the aftermath of what happened on January 6, people who have hitched their wagon to the Trump star and to the idea that the kingdom of God is built through political means should have responded with contrition, repentance, apology, and a changed life.  I saw a bit of that, but very, very little.  Instead, I often saw further forays into delusional and self-justifying territory.  I heard lots of "whataboutism," deflection, promotion of lies (or their milder version:  elevating minor elements to major status, thus obscuring overwhelming realities), and failure to acknowledge plain truth.   

If we had no social training, common sense or pangs of conscience, those of us who saw things like this coming a long time ago would be crowing from the barn peak I TOLD YOU SO!  I'm not hearing that either--which probably should tell us that these prescient people actually are well-socialized and have , common sense and an active conscience.  Not to mention, many of them also believe the first and second commandment: love God and love your neighbor. 

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I share the experience of one of my Facebook friends who wrote this morning that she has seen a great deal that she did not want to see.  I believe she was referring to the realization that many people whose good heart she trusted were revealed instead to not have a good heart at all, or at least not in the sense of being committed to the way of Christ.  Although we allow for imperfections, this is profoundly disturbing.  We want to believe the best about people, to empathize, to understand the hurts that have contributed to their making bad choices or settling on misguided ideas.  At the end of the day, to realize that the problem is actually SIN is heartbreaking.  To see it in people whose words sound good and whose outward demeanor is agreeable is devastating.  

I can't tell you though how moving it has been for me to personally see humble public confession of sin in a church leader who saw the error of his ways.  There was no one over him applying pressure to admit wrong.  To my eyes, his errors seemed minor compared to what I have observed elsewhere.  That the impact of sincere and humble confession is "major" in my experience gives testimony to the fact that suffering love as Jesus exemplified it is potent--far more so than is claiming of rights or maneuvering for political advantage.  

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"Annie" once told me that she found it impossible to look into "Meridith's" eyes--until after Meredith reached out and cooperated with significant intervention for her problems.  That's exactly how I feel when I encounter strident alt-right rhetoric or even when I hear related content from someone who I know to espouse these soundly discredited ideas.  I have to look away.  I'll spare you the images and sounds of what happens when no one can see or hear me and exposure is unavoidable.   

If it appears on the screen during something that I don't want to click away from (as it did during the January 6 senate proceedings when Cruz and Hawley and others spoke--including one of the senators from Kansas), I mute the sound till after the person stops talking.  If it appears in an article and I can tell this from the headline, I don't click on it.  If it's on a friend's FB post, I sometimes force myself to read it or listen to it--just in case some profitable communication might still be possible.  I can. not. take in this stuff without cost to my spirit, soul, and body.  

I've learned to recognize media sources that predictably follow this line of thinking, and I basically read nothing from those sources, although I used to do so in the interest of being well-informed.  I do read news from some conservative sources (The Dispatch is a favorite and Wall Street Journal is sometimes worthwhile), but I steer clear of the following:  Fox News, Daily Wire, The Blaze, Washington Times, Newsmax, Epoch Times, Breitbart, The New American, and OAN Network.  I would add Infowars to the list, except that I fortunately almost never encounter this one.  It's the most extreme of all, probably the one that makes some people think Fox News is beginning to look downright mainstream--to the point that some who once took it as gospel now have no use for it.

I do admire scholars, journalists, and honest and curious friends who have the fortitude to see these things and engage the issues and the personalities involved.  On rare occasions I have been among them.  It happens only when I feel empowered and compelled by a fire within that I take to be holy fire.  It never happens on the spur of the moment.

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In church yesterday during a time of participatory prayer and praise, Harry S. thanked the Lord for the good things that happened during the past four years, and the good things that will happen in the next four years--because we know that God is sovereign, and that good can come out of any situation.  He also prayed for peace on inauguration day (Wednesday, January 20), thus including an item that had been mentioned in the announcements as a prayer point.

I actually find it really difficult to list good things that the president accomplished.  It's all I can do to make it through other people's lists of such things.  Revulsion is my involuntary response.  I see so little righteous motivation and so much self-serving in "everything" he's done that it takes backing out a loooong way to see any of it in a positive light.  Nevertheless I agree that a sovereign God can bring good from it, so on that basis I can give thanks for the good that has been accomplished during the past four years, much of which is probably not yet visible.  

I don't see that any defense of a narcissistic approach to governance serves God's sovereign purposes, and for now I refuse to pretend that it is otherwise.  I trust that my readers will understand that the defense of narcissistic behavior is particularly problematic.  I don't know exactly how to divide narcissism into "mental illness" and "sin" compartments, but I believe it's a toxic mix, and backing far away from identifying with it seems prudent all around.

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The unburdening that I've engaged in in this post has been cathartic.  Maybe now I can go on to tasks that have been on hold while I was in a semi-paralyzed state.