Prelude to the Wedding

Whenever someone asks how Grant and Clarissa met, I almost always feel compelled to offer some sort of apology, or disclaimer, or at least continue the story in a bit of a regretful tone of voice. Bob and Kathy feel the same way, I learned.

I sometimes start out by saying they met on the internet, and then quickly add "but it's not as bad as it sounds," or "but not on a dating site."

At other times I say, "Oh it's embarrassing . . ."

In some of our earlier correspondence with Clarissa's parents, her mother wrote, "Since this was our first experience with a computer-generated courtship, we were very cautious." I would certainly have hoped so. No disagreement there.

Here's a blow by blow account of what I know of how things transpired. First, a caveat: Grant is the most tight-lipped member of our family, so I've had to read between the lines, pump him for information, or count on intelligence from a variety of sources to put this picture together. On a few occasions, he has been forthcoming--more so of late than earlier.

Some time ago, Grant's friend, Connie H. (who is the niece of my brother-in-law, Matthew) suggested to Grant that he might enjoy reading some of Shaunti Feldhan's books. She is a Christian author who writes about male/female differences. Her books are quite popular and have made their mark in the business world--which is the focus of some of her writing. Grant bought some of her books, and then looked up her website, where he found an active young people's forum. He began participating in the conversations and, somewhere along the line, mentioned his Mennonite identity. He was attending a BMA church at the time.

Clarissa picked up on that and responded with information about her own connection with Mennonites--their family's former association, in her case. At some point they began to correspond personally outside the forum. Her mother told me recently that she talked to them early on about "that Mennonite guy." Grant was not talking to us about Clarissa yet, and we were clueless. (Do you hear that clucking sound?)

At some point, Grant got interested enough to give her father a call. He suggested that Grant come for a visit. That was when Grant first told us about the friendship. Last week I told Bob I was glad Grant had talked to him early on, and Bob said, "I'm sure Clarissa knew it wasn't going anywhere unless he did." So this move might have been as much practical as noble. Bob also told Clarissa that she and Grant needed to have some face time. This long-distance friendship couldn't/shouldn't go on too long without that. Bob had a specific suggestion: Grant should come to Washington and surprise Clarissa on her 20th birthday.

I was dubious about that plan at first. To Grant I said, "You make sure this is alright with her mother. If it's just a plan the men hatched up, it might not go over so well with the ladies." Grant dutifully reported back that Kathy thinks it's OK. (I found out last week that Grant told them his mom is a little worried . . . That means he was listening to me!)

Bob met Grant at the airport and they had dinner together. The plan was that if all went well (read: if Grant passed inspection), he would take Grant to a sleeping place near the Prettyman home, and they would reveal the secret the next day. Grant was deposited at the Beckman's after dark. They are close neighbors and good friends of the Prettymans.

Mrs. Beckman told me that they didn't know for sure about having this guy they'd never met spend the night at their house. Bob told us that she asked him how they know he's not a serial killer or something. Bob cheerfully told her, "That's why he's sleeping at your house the first night."

The next morning, someone sneaked Grant along the back trails of the property into the guest room/office building in the clearing near the family home. There was a big family birthday breakfast planned, and when Clarissa was ready for it, her family told her that she should go first to the shed--their name for the little finished-out mini-barn--for something that came for her birthday. Prior to this, her sister Angeleise had seated herself on top of a file cabinet out there, camera in hand. As soon as she left the house, someone called Grant to warn him that she was on her way. He waited on the couch.

Clarissa opened the door, and Grant said, "Hi, Clare." She stared, and put her hand in front of her mouth, and giggled, and then finally gave him a hug.

The visit went quite smashingly, and when he got home, he was talking of spending the winter in Washington. We thought that might be a good thing, partly because both of his jobs here were seasonal, and he didn't have much to do during the winter. Someone in Washington said he would have work for Grant, doing snow removal. Clarissa visited here within the next few months, and shortly after she returned home, Grant followed. He left just before Thanksgiving, and came back to Kansas on March 1.

The job never materialized, which was a disappointment, so Grant spent the winter doing lots of jobs around the homestead. That was very much appreciated. Clarissa's siblings loved him and he had a good time with them. I was glad for this chance he had to experience life in a big family. As the youngest child in our small family, life got pretty quiet here sometimes. He came home with "Emma" stories--the precocious 3-year old who was everyone's pet.

Grant and Clarissa became engaged around Valentine's Day, so wedding plans were being made when Grant returned to Kansas. Clarissa spent two months here later, mostly in April and May. By then plans were in place to live in Kansas, because that's where Grant had work, and we began to work on the Trail West house where we used to live, and where we hope to live again some day. Clarissa did lots of painting and she and I planted a garden. Shane had done a lot of work on remodeling the kitchen and bathroom before Clarissa got here.

The logistics of finding a suitable wedding date were challenging because of needing to be before fall harvest (for Grant), before school (for me), not in Bob's busy season with his business (He lost out on this score.), when the church was available, and when a pastor to marry them was available (Their pastor was on vacation in August.), and when Angeleise was not away at camp. August 20 worked better than any other date, so that's when it happened. The pastor who married them was not their current pastor, but the family had attended his church earlier.

Grant and Clarissa haven't settled on a church home here. Clarissa's Baptist parents and we are praying about this. I'm not sure if we're praying exactly the same prayers, but I do know that all of us parents want to see them committed to a church with a track record of obedience to Scripture and in a place where someone with a shepherd's heart will challenge and nurture them in the path of discipleship.