Clever Mediations
Last night at my parents' place, I told them about an outstanding story by Janice Etter that I read in Family Life. Etter wrote from the perspective of a grandmother in her 90's whose capabilities were diminishing. However, she could still listen. The story told how her daughter brought food over, and then stopped to visit a bit. She talked about her good fortune in having been given some lovely flower plants that she wanted to plant at the end of the drive. Her husband opposed planting them in that spot. Instead he offered to work up a place by the fence along the drive. "Must I always submit to him?" was her question for Grandma.
"Yes," Grandma answered.
Later, Grandma's son-in-law came over to visit. He talked about lots of other things, then got onto the subject of his wife's plan for the flowers. He thought she already had so many flowers that she didn't have much time to enjoy them. Besides, that spot where she was determined to plant them was exactly where one of the farm delivery trucks always cut the corner short. He was sure the flowers would be ruined in a hurry if she planted them there. "Must I always be considerate of what she wants?" he asked as he finished.
"Always," Grandma answered.
The story ended aimiably, with Grandma looking on the scene of husband and wife out by the fence where the flowers were being planted. The wife was busy planting flowers. The husband was sitting there in a lawn chair, presumably to watch the children, keep his wife company, and do his bit to make sure someone takes time to smell the flowers.
I saved the story to read to my composition class next year. This story had everything--setting, interesting characters, conflict, climax, and resolution. The rhythm of language and the pacing of the story was great. And the resolution was just right--not too sweet and perfect--believable, in other words.
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Etter's story reminded my dad of something he read or heard about Preacher Johns, who used to be a minister at the Clinton Frame church in Indiana.
When a new church was being built, a great controversy arose over the placement of the entrance to the building. Pastor Johns told everyone that he'd rather do without doors than have the kind of discord that he was seeing. "We could put ladders at all the windows and get into the building that way," he finished. The prospect of that ridiculous option seemed to break the impasse, and the issue was resolved.
Another time, the young people wanted to have a music school so they could learn to sing parts and create harmony. Many of the older people were opposed. Pastor Johns preached a sermon on submitting to one another. Then he asked all the young people to stand if they were willing to let the older people make this decision. All the young people stood. Next he asked the older people if they would be willing to let the young people have their music school. If so, they were to stand. All the old people stood. The young people got their music school.
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The retired local Amish bishop, John Mast, has a reputation for being able to smooth troubled waters, as well.
One time a family approached him about a conflict they were having with another family. John heard them out, and then reminded them that they must remember that 51% of this problem is their own fault.
Later the other family told John their side of the story. "You must remember that 51% of the problem is your fault," John replied.
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I have often thought that it's a shame to see only two options in a conflictive situation. Very often the third--or fourth--or fifth option is the right one. God bless leaders with the discernment to help people see that. And God bless us all with the insight and maturity not to get locked into an either/or mode of thinking. Only rarely is such a narrow view of the options warranted.
"Yes," Grandma answered.
Later, Grandma's son-in-law came over to visit. He talked about lots of other things, then got onto the subject of his wife's plan for the flowers. He thought she already had so many flowers that she didn't have much time to enjoy them. Besides, that spot where she was determined to plant them was exactly where one of the farm delivery trucks always cut the corner short. He was sure the flowers would be ruined in a hurry if she planted them there. "Must I always be considerate of what she wants?" he asked as he finished.
"Always," Grandma answered.
The story ended aimiably, with Grandma looking on the scene of husband and wife out by the fence where the flowers were being planted. The wife was busy planting flowers. The husband was sitting there in a lawn chair, presumably to watch the children, keep his wife company, and do his bit to make sure someone takes time to smell the flowers.
I saved the story to read to my composition class next year. This story had everything--setting, interesting characters, conflict, climax, and resolution. The rhythm of language and the pacing of the story was great. And the resolution was just right--not too sweet and perfect--believable, in other words.
************************
Etter's story reminded my dad of something he read or heard about Preacher Johns, who used to be a minister at the Clinton Frame church in Indiana.
When a new church was being built, a great controversy arose over the placement of the entrance to the building. Pastor Johns told everyone that he'd rather do without doors than have the kind of discord that he was seeing. "We could put ladders at all the windows and get into the building that way," he finished. The prospect of that ridiculous option seemed to break the impasse, and the issue was resolved.
Another time, the young people wanted to have a music school so they could learn to sing parts and create harmony. Many of the older people were opposed. Pastor Johns preached a sermon on submitting to one another. Then he asked all the young people to stand if they were willing to let the older people make this decision. All the young people stood. Next he asked the older people if they would be willing to let the young people have their music school. If so, they were to stand. All the old people stood. The young people got their music school.
*********************
The retired local Amish bishop, John Mast, has a reputation for being able to smooth troubled waters, as well.
One time a family approached him about a conflict they were having with another family. John heard them out, and then reminded them that they must remember that 51% of this problem is their own fault.
Later the other family told John their side of the story. "You must remember that 51% of the problem is your fault," John replied.
*********************
I have often thought that it's a shame to see only two options in a conflictive situation. Very often the third--or fourth--or fifth option is the right one. God bless leaders with the discernment to help people see that. And God bless us all with the insight and maturity not to get locked into an either/or mode of thinking. Only rarely is such a narrow view of the options warranted.
posted by Mrs. I at
5:31 AM
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